I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
