he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
