Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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