the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
