wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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