I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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