Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
