community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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