Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
