This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So many bounce houses so little time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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