I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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