You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
