I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
