is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
