You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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