two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
