just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
pray to the hookup gods
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
