He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
