Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
