She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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