WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize