Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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