I puked a lego.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
