I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize