Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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