She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
