So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my poor anus
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
