but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
