TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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