I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
