Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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