Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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