first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
