By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize