I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
