Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
