I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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