He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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