We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize