Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
