When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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