Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
