I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
