I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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