every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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