Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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