Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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