she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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