dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
