doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
