your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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