Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
