Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
