the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
