She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
