what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
