I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
