while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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