i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
