you have to choose: penises or morals?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Randomize
