do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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