i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
