My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
