OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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