like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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