i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
