No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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