so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
