I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
