I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
