I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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