it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
