We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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