So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize