you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
