Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize