Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
from now on my penis is your penis
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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