his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize