i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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