I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
