That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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