Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
