so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
