he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
