How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
