your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
