I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
