wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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