there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
