Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
