I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
