thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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