He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
