im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
