Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
