I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
