Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
