They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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